One Hundred Things I am not allowed to do at the Jedi Temple
by coolcreate
Summary: Padawan Milo Cass makes a list of stuff he cannot do. Inspired by SilkenRoseDreams's 1000 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1. I will not shave Padawan Dume's hamster

**One Hundred Things I am not allowed to do at the Jedi Temple - Chapter One**

The Jedi Council are not my 'homeboys' and I will not refer to them as such.

I am not permitted to spray paint 'Anisoka happened here' on Master Skywalker and Padawan Tano's quarters as they do not like it and Tano will wallop me. Hard.

If a fellow Padawan falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation to write swear words or doodle obscene things on their papers.

I will not flirt with Padawan Tano, because she can and will wallop me. Hard. Or any other Padawan for that matter.

I will not refer to Chancellor Palpatine as 'Voldie Shorts'.

I will not tell the Younglings that the training lightsabers are glowsticks.

I will not shave Padawan Dume's hamster.

I will refrain from wearing black `leather gloves all the time and saying "Jedi is mother, Jedi is father."

I will not talk backwards in a crude imitation of Master Yoda.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Master Skywalker.

It is wrong to refer to the Zillo Beast as 'Charlotte'.

When leaving the medbay, I will cease screaming "Run for your lives! The mutants are loose!"

It is a bad idea to tell Master Skywalker he takes himself too seriously.

It is a bad idea to tell Padawan Tano she takes herself too seriously, as she will wallop me. Hard.

It is a bad idea to tell the Council they take themselves seriously.

I will not start a betting pool on Master Skywalker's life.

The Zillo Beast did not make an appearance in _Matrix_.

The proper way to report to the council is "You wanted to see me, Masters?" not "I have it on good authority you have no evidence against me."

I am not allowed to eat fried Dura Slug in Huttese class. Even if I brought enough for everyone.

Emptying the bag onto Master Meioh's desk to prove it is unacceptable behaviour.

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	2. Punch A Skywalker Day

I cannot leave class because I think my pet Jyykle vulture has escaped

I am not allowed to keep a Jyykle vulture either.

I will not give the Younglings too much sugar just to see how hyper they get.

Or coffee.

I will not wake the whole Temple at 3 AM just to say I lost a sock.

Durese class is not the place to play poker.

I cannot create mass panic because I am bored.

I will not make Master Windu explain where babies come from.

There is no such thing as 'Punch A Skywalker Day'.

I cannot hold a fundraiser to pay for the damage caused by a prank I haven't pulled yet.

I am not allowed to pull that prank.

Master Ti does not have a voodoo doll. Neither does Padawan Tano.

I am not permitted to wallop Padawan Tano. She is not permitted to wallop me. But her master thinks it's cute so he doesn't step in. Which means I am walloped a lot.

I should not replace the most popular holobooks in the Archive with a book about cheese written by me under a pseudonym.

The pseudonym in question was ' Ima Guna Dai'

Master Dai does like his name being used by me.

I am not allowed to tell Master Skywalker that his Padawan is pregnant. Tano will wallop me if I do so again.

A sock puppet is not a suitable replacement for Master Yoda.

Master Yoda is not a toad in disguise.

The Jedi would not be better if I was in charge.

 **So about those reviews...**


	3. The Zillo Beast is not 'Almighty Zeus'

There has never been an eighth form of lightsaber combat.

I am not the creator of said eighth form.

A pineapple with sunglasses is not homework.

It is not a suitable homework excuse either.

Master Windu does not enjoy being called 'Pookie Bear'.

I will not encourage the Padawans to unionize.

Or the Younglings.

Or the Senate.

Or the Council.

'Expelliarmus' is not an appropriate fighting technique.

To become the Dictator-for-life-of-Coruscant is not an appropriate backup plan.

The Zillo Beast is not 'The Almighty Zeus'.

I will not sacrifice Younglings to it on the full moon either.

And/or Padawan Dume's hamster.

Master Yoda is not Dumbledore.

The Zillo beast is not an anime actor with a lead role in Sword Art Online, or Naoko Takeuchi in disguise, or Dictator-for-life of Coruscant.

Those titles belong to Chancellor Palpatine.

I will not encourage Younglings to sing K-Pop.

Or Sailor Moon theme song 'Makenai'

I will not hand out copies of these rules and encourage others to break them.

 **Leave your one-word prompts in the reviews! Or just review! Or do both!**


	4. I won't tie up Master Skywalker's hair

60\. I am not Donald Trump.

61\. I cannot build a wall.

62\. I am not allowed to tie up Master Skywalker's hair. Especially with a pink bow. Even if it is hilarious.

63\. I am not allowed to spike Padawan Tano's drinks. Even if she's awesome drunk.

64\. I cannot play Pokemon Go during a battle.

65\. Even if there is a Charizard.

66\. Or a Lapras.

67\. Or an Umbreon.

68\. I will not sing the Pokemon Go Song at 3 AM.

69\. I will not sing K-Pop at 3 AM.

70\. I will not sing anything at 3 AM.

71\. I will not tell Padawan Tano she is a Pokemon.

72\. I will not try to "catch" her.

73\. I will not make Younglings carry out my pranks.

74\. If they do refuse to perform said tasks, I will not make them duel.

75\. And I will never, _ever_ , make betting pools on the fights.

76\. The Zillo Beast is not a Pokemon.

77\. The Zillo Beast did not star in any hentai movies.

78\. The Zillo Beast is not the Nine-Tailed Fox.

79\. I am not Naruto Uzumaki.

80\. I will not prank Padawan Tano while either of us are in the shower. EVER!

 **Please! Review and leave ideas so I can be lazy!**


	5. Dooku wuz here

81\. Master Kenobi is not Groundskeeper Willie.

82\. I will not create a pin-up calendar of Sith girls, and sell it as 'Palpie's Angels".

83\. I will not write "Dooku wuz here" on the back of Padawan Tano's shorts.

84\. I will not wake the Temple at 3 AM with "Cock-a-doodle-doo, ladies".

85\. "ONLY I CAN HAVE SENPAI" Is not an appropriate battle cry.

86\. Master Yoda is not Senpai.

87\. Neither is Master Kenobi.

88\. Or Master Skywalker.

89\. Or Master Windu.

90\. I am not Yandere-chan.

91\. I will not dye Master Kenobi's beard purple.

92\. I will not give red shirts to clone troopers and say they're the uniform for the position.

93\. I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard." while being sent to the council.

94\. Especially with Younglings as backup singers.

95\. And certainly not with Padawan Tano on a kazoo.

96\. I will not claim I can see the Grim Reaper.

97\. I will not claim I can see him standing next to Master Skywalker tapping his watch.

98\. When Master Skywalker and Master Kenobi fight, I will not go:

"SLASH SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"

Or:

"Kiss him already!"

99\. Even if Padawan Tano finds it hilarious.

100\. I will not shove tampons up Master Skywalker's nose. Even if Padawan Tano finds it hilarious.

" _Cass? You done there?" Anakin inquired_

" _Yes Master." I handed the list to my arch-nemesis' Master._

" _Okay. Now just a warning."_

" _What must thou warn me about, O Master Jedi?"_

" _Ahsoka's waiting for you outside."_

 _Oh shit. Well, whoever's reading this, please tell them to play Elton John at my funeral. Until then, this is Milo Cass signing off. See you in the medbay!_

 **FIRST COMPLETED SERIES! HELL YEAH! To celebrate, I'm giving out a gift one-shot to the first reviewer! (If you are a guest reviewer, please write your idea in your review, and PLEASE leave something other than 'Guest' as your screen name). Otherwise, please leave your review, and PM me with your idea! (Nothing above T, please) G'night! :)**


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